🦉 The Train Ride That Taught Me About Situational Depression (and Emotional Burnout)
A raw, relatable story about burnout, boundaries, and the messy middle of healing — from work and marriage to motherhood and self-trust.
Ever had a mental breakdown disguised as a family trip?
Same.
Somewhere between back-to-school shopping, teenage drama, and my new “commission-only” job, I realized I wasn’t just tired — I was burnt crispy.
This train ride to Grapevine, Texas turned into a full-blown therapy session on wheels — where I learned what situational depression really feels like, how burnout sneaks into love, and why sometimes the bravest thing we can do is stop pretending we’re fine.
Grab your coffee and climb aboard. It’s a bumpy ride, but you’re not alone on it.
All Aboard the Hot Mess Express
We’re on a train headed to Grapevine, Texas for back-to-school shopping. I keep telling myself this is a cute little getaway — a break, a reset.
But honestly? It feels more like a rolling therapy session with snacks.
Between the earbuds, spilled drinks, and teenage eye rolls, I realized this wasn’t just a trip. It was a mirror. And what I saw staring back wasn’t just exhaustion — it was a quieter kind of depression. Not the dramatic, can’t-get-out-of-bed kind, but the “I’m fine” kind that builds up between deadlines and dinner plans.
The kind that makes you function perfectly on paper, but feel like you’re slowly fading out of your own life.
The Job That’s Not Jobbing
At the time, I was one month into a commission-only life-insurance job — which is corporate talk for, “You don’t get paid unless someone else makes a life-altering decision.”
I believe in what I’m selling. I really do. But belief doesn’t buy groceries.
Everyone keeps saying, “It takes time,” and sure, they’re probably right. But logic doesn’t quiet the pit in my stomach when I look at the bills. Logic doesn’t talk back when that voice in my head says, “You’re failing again.”
Back then, I thought I was failing because I couldn’t push harder. Now I see I was burning out because I never stopped.
(Spoiler alert: I didn’t stay in that job. I still use the license, but not like that. My real work is here — writing this, connecting through The Purple Owl. The kind that doesn’t come with quotas but does come with truth.) That job taught me something important: panic never sells. Purpose does. That’s why I keep this WTF To-Do Today Planner nearby. It’s how I remind myself that a bad day doesn’t mean a bad direction.
When Love Starts Feeling Like Work
Somewhere between “how’s work going?” and “what’s for dinner?” I realized it wasn’t just my job draining me — it was everything.
Jen and I love each other deeply, but lately it feels like we’re out of sync. We talk, we try, but somehow the same words just land in different places. The same fights circle back. The same silence hums between us afterward.
It’s not anger. It’s distance.
And it’s hard to admit that love can feel lonely even when you’re sitting right next to someone you adore.
Sometimes I reach for her. Sometimes I shut down. Most of the time, I just wish I could explain it better — how exhaustion and numbness disguise themselves as detachment.
When your mind is spinning all day between work, parenting, and survival, even tenderness starts to feel like another thing on your to-do list.
One thing that helped me during that season was reading Set Boundaries, Find Peace. It taught me that love isn’t about proving your worth — it’s about protecting your peace.
Parenting in the Pressure Cooker
Raising teenagers while healing your own inner teenager should come with hazard pay.
The girls bicker. Jen and I both go full Mama Bear for our own, and suddenly everyone’s feelings are valid and no one’s listening.
I try to play peacekeeper, but sometimes I go quiet just to avoid another explosion. And then I feel guilty for staying quiet.
Every time I think I’m doing better, life gives me another pop quiz in emotional regulation.
Some days, I show up patient and calm. Other days, I just hope I’m not passing down my unhealed parts.
Either way, it’s messy. And I’m learning that’s normal.
The Spiral No One Warns You About
Should I keep this job?
Should I push harder in my marriage?
Should I say something, or just ride it out?
My brain is basically a 24/7 group chat of overthinking and guilt — and I’m the only one typing.
Decision fatigue isn’t just about making choices. It’s about the weight of constantly having to choose between being honest and being liked, between staying and changing, between trying again or finally resting.
I used to think the answer was to hustle harder. Now I think the real skill is learning when to pause.
So I made a deal with myself: no more chasing perfection. Just noticing progress.
Tiny, quiet, unglamorous progress. The kind no one claps for, but still counts.
My Tiny Reframe List
✅ Feeling stuck doesn’t mean I’m failing.
✅ Resting isn’t quitting.
✅ Starting over doesn’t erase growth.
✅ Learning something new doesn’t mean I was bad before — it just means I’m still growing.
Maybe healing isn’t about solving the whole puzzle.
Maybe it’s just learning to sit with the pieces without running away.
From the Owl’s Nest
If your healing feels too loud, too confusing, or too complicated — you’re not broken. You’re just human.
Drop a comment if you’ve ever tried to fix your whole life during a family trip or cried quietly in a Target parking lot because you didn’t know what else to do.
Or just whisper same into your coffee cup. That counts too.
We’re all just trying to make it home — sometimes by train, sometimes by grace.
If this story hit close to home, you’ll probably love my post on Ghosting in Relationships: The Story I Never Thought I’d Tell. It’s a raw look at how fear can make us run — and how healing helps us stay.
🛍️ Tools That Helped Me Cope (and Keep My Sanity)
(affiliate links — thank you for supporting The Purple Owl!)
