Self-Awareness Is Growth Too (Even When It Looks Like Silence)

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been quiet.

Not burned out quiet.
Not disappearing quiet.
Intentional quiet.

And for a long time, I would have told myself that silence meant failure. That not posting meant I was falling behind. That momentum, once lost, was gone for good.

But here’s what I’m learning.

Self-awareness is just as important as being able to name what growth looks like for you. And growth does not look the same for everyone.

Silence Did Not Ruin Anything

During my quiet stretch, I didn’t lose my voice. I didn’t lose my readers. I didn’t undo the work I’ve built here.

What I did gain was trust.

Trust that my quietness didn’t ruin anything.
Trust that the people who resonate with my words are still here.
Trust that if they choose to keep reading, it’s because they want to.

That matters more to me than constant visibility ever did.

I’m learning that I don’t have to prove my commitment through exhaustion. I don’t have to perform consistency to be taken seriously. And I don’t have to panic every time I pause.

That realization alone is growth.

Defining Growth on My Own Terms

Right now, my life looks busy in ways that don’t translate well to social media.

I’ve accepted two 1099 positions. One selling Medicare plans and life insurance. Another focused on life insurance and annuities. I’ve been studying, learning new platforms, and completing CE credits to protect the licenses I worked hard for.

At the same time, my full-time W2 contract ends in six days, as far as I know. There has been no word on whether it will be extended. I thought I had decided that I wouldn’t take it even if it was offered. But if I’m being honest, money matters. Stability matters. My family matters.

So the answer isn’t rigid. It depends on the offer.

That, too, is growth.

Growth for me right now is not having a perfectly mapped-out plan. It’s being able to sit in uncertainty without self-betrayal. It’s making decisions based on what I know today instead of waiting for the mythical “right answer.”

Trusting Myself Instead of Overthinking Every Decision

One of the patterns I’m actively unlearning is the belief that if I just think longer, research harder, or analyze more deeply, I’ll eventually land on the perfect decision.

I won’t.

All that does is delay action and chip away at trust in myself.

What I’m practicing instead is this. Making a decision based on what I believe is right for me right now, then trusting myself enough to adjust if it stops being right.

I don’t know which of these positions will work out long-term. I do know that one will likely bring in more immediate income than the other. And right now, immediate income matters.

That doesn’t make me reckless or short-sighted. It makes me honest.

Intentional Does Not Mean Certain

I’ve been using the word intentional a lot lately, and I want to be clear about what that means to me.

Intentional does not mean having everything figured out.
It does not mean certainty.
It does not mean control.

It means choosing with awareness instead of fear.
It means acknowledging reality instead of bypassing it.
It means trusting yourself enough to move forward without guarantees.

This season of my life is not about optimization. It’s about alignment.

And alignment sometimes looks like studying instead of posting.
Choosing stability instead of aesthetics.
Listening instead of broadcasting.

Coming Back Because I Want To

I’m writing again not because I “should,” but because I want to.

That difference matters.

I didn’t force myself back here out of guilt or obligation. I waited until the pull returned. Until the words felt honest again. Until I trusted myself enough to speak without needing permission.

If you’re in a quiet season too, I hope this reminds you of something important.

Your worth is not measured by output.
Your growth is not invalid because it’s invisible.
And trusting yourself is not a detour.

It is the work.