Ghosting in Relationships: The Story I Never Thought I'd Tell

Ghosting isn’t just for dating apps. Sometimes it happens in the relationships that matter most. And I know, because I did it to the woman I love. If you’ve ever experienced ghosting in a relationship, you know how heavy the silence can be.

Jen and I had been dating for nine months. She had asked me to marry her, and I said yes. It should have been the start of forever. But instead, I packed up and left without warning. Not once, but twice.

The First Flight: How Fear Turned Love into Ghosting

Why? Because fear has a way of rewriting your story in an instant.

Jen had a temper back then. One night, we were arguing about chores and she threw a plate on the ground and it shattered. For some people, that might have just been a bad moment. For me, someone who grew up with domestic violence and had lived through it in past relationships, it was a trigger. My body didn’t see a plate on the floor. It saw danger. And my fight‑or‑flight response kicked in. I didn’t fight. I flew.

I left my beautiful engagement ring and infinity necklace on the bookshelf and I fled. No explanation. I was just gone. I left her and her girls behind, and I left myself drowning in guilt.

The truth is, it wasn’t just the plate. In my family, being gay wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t even considered an option. Derogatory words were thrown around casually, and Christianity taught me it was wrong. So even though I was in love, I was also carrying shame. Add in the kids fighting constantly (which was chaotic in and of itself, wait until I tell you about the time they went after each other with forks, that’s in Event 3 of the Emotional Olympics), and it all felt like too much. Instead of facing it, I ran.

💡 Back then, I didn’t have the tools to ground myself when fear took over. These days, even something as simple as journaling or a calming ritual helps me pause instead of flee. If you’re looking for a gentle way to manage your own “fight‑or‑flight” moments, I recommend Online Therapy.

The Herbalife Detour: Running from Myself

After leaving, Jen and I still talked. Because I couldn’t stay away...I was in love! We worked through the whole plate incident over the next couple of months, and part of me thought maybe we could find our way back to each other. But I was deep in Herbalife. In fact, that’s how we met, at a nutrition club, getting my shake on. Lol. I was in the throes of Herbalife and determined to make that MLM work no matter what.

Then I went to a meeting where they told me if I wanted to be successful, I couldn’t be “messing around with dating.” And what did I do? I bought into it. I packed up my entire life…again. This was the third time in less than a year that I uprooted everything. I loaded my two kids in the car, asked a good friend (shoutout to Jayme!) to drive us six hours away to Arkansas, where my coach was “thriving” in a new market.

At first, I kept talking to Jen. Honestly, I was stringing her along because I couldn’t stay away. When I visited Oklahoma, I always found a way to sneak around to see her. But eventually, I decided if I was going to “get serious” about Herbalife, I thought I had to cut her off completely. So I ghosted her. Pretended like she never existed. Deleted, blocked, gone.

Except she wasn’t gone. Not from my heart. She was always there, even when I kept lying to myself and everyone around me, trying to convince myself I was chasing a dream and that I was going to make it work no matter what.

The reality of that dream? It was a nightmare. I moved in with my coach’s family. That meant ten people crammed under one roof. I spent twelve‑plus hours a day running a nutrition club, pouring myself into an MLM that gave me nothing back. No money. No freedom. Just exhaustion and a toxic coach who thrived on control.

💡 Looking back, I wish I’d known that real growth doesn’t come from burning yourself out in a toxic environment. Now, I lean on healthier tools like this WTF To Do Today Planner to build my dreams sustainably.

The Dark Place: When Ghosting Leads to Growth

After fifteen months in Arkansas, I was done. I had gained a great friend out of it (shoutout to Katie in Arkansas), but the truth was, I was in a dangerous place mentally. Herbalife had taken everything from me, physically, emotionally, financially. I had given everything and gotten a roof over my head in return. If I sound bitter, I am and yes, I know this was my choice and there are 2 sides to every story but I'm telling you, this place was more dysfunctional than a monkey riding a bull in a China cabinet. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who pictured that!)

So I packed up again and moved back to Oklahoma. I didn’t have a vehicle, so my mom and stepdad came and rescued me again (which never did me any favors btw but I was still really grateful for regardless!). I moved back in with them for what felt like the umpteenth time. But this time, it was the last time. No matter what, I wasn’t going to keep repeating that cycle. Thinking back, this was a pivotal point for me on my journey. It was the starting point of taking back responsibility for my own life instead of depending on others when I made a mistake in the name of rebellion. It took way too long, I know.

Still, I was broken. I was ashamed. And I never stopped thinking about Jen. Emotional healing after ghosting doesn’t happen overnight. I poured my pain, my guilt, and my confusion onto paper. I wrote the things I couldn’t say out loud. And slowly, I started to see myself more clearly. Spirituality helped too—it gave me something bigger to hold onto when I felt like I was drowning.

💡 Journaling became my lifeline. If you’ve ever wanted to start, I recommend Burn After Writing—because sometimes the page is the only place you can be fully honest.

Even though I had ghosted Jen, even though I had convinced myself I was chasing a dream, the truth was I never stopped loving her. And deep down, I knew I wasn’t done with her story, or mine.

The Reconnection: Rebuilding Trust After Ghosting

One day, standing in my mom’s front yard, I caught myself hoping—again—that Jen might drive by. Most days she went the other way, but this time, I knew it was her. And I knew she saw me.

A few weeks later, I got a message from her. (Yes, I had already unblocked her the second I got back to Oklahoma because deep down, I was waiting for this moment.) I felt like I had to wait for her to reach out first. I felt like I didn't have the right to make the first move. Rebuilding trust after ghosting takes vulnerability and time.

When her message came through, I was thrilled. Nervous. Relieved. Unfortunately, there was a catch. There's always a catch. She was with someone else. Someone who lived with her. My heart sank. I was crushed, bummed, sad…all the things. But we kept talking about the little life things. Catching up, ya know?

But I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t giving up. Not after everything. And when I learned she was being verbally abused in that relationship, I encouraged her to get out. I saw an opportunity for me to really let her know how much I still loved her. I begged for forgiveness. I told her how badly I had messed up, how sorry I was, how I never stopped thinking about her.

The truth? She had already forgiven me. That’s who Jen is. And slowly, we found our way back to each other. She saw how much I had grown, and I saw how much she had grown. Now came the process of letting my family know...just kidding! That's a story for another time. Haha!!

If you’re navigating forgiveness and growth, "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab is a gentle, empowering read. It helped me name what I was feeling—and what I deserved.

The Redemption: Forgiveness, Healing, and Boundaries

After almost a year of dating again, Jen asked me to marry her. In the driveway of my house. (Yes, I had bought my first home and finally moved out of my mom’s house at this point.) No big production or fancy setup this time. Just us, standing there in the middle of real life. And I was thrilled to say yes.

This month, we’ll celebrate four years of marriage. Has it been perfect? No. We’ve had our struggles, especially with intimacy, but I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. I couldn’t imagine my world without her in it.

Looking back, I can see how ghosting was a terrible, hurtful choice. It was abusive, and it left scars. Not only on Jen but on her girls too. But, I can also see how something good and beautiful came out of it. We both had a lot of growing to do before we were truly ready for each other. And in the end, we chose love.

💡 Want an easy way to spark deeper connection? The Sex Talks Deck for Connection & Intimacy is full of fun, thoughtful prompts that make opening up with your partner feel natural (and even playful).

Lessons on Healing After Ghosting

Ghosting leaves scars, but it also leaves space for growth. My story is proof that even in the messiest chapters, healing is possible. If you’ve ever ghosted or been ghosted, I hope you see that you’re not alone. We all carry fear, shame, and regret. But we also carry resilience, forgiveness, and love. Journaling, spirituality, and honest reflection helped me find my way back to myself, and eventually, back to Jen. Maybe your path looks different, but your healing matters just as much.

That’s why I created the Owl Be Honest Facebook group—a safe space where we can talk about the messy middles, the hard lessons, and the surprising ways love and growth show up in our lives. If this story resonated with you, I’d love for you to join the conversation. Share your story, or simply listen in. Either way, you’ll find people who get it—and who will remind you that you don’t have to navigate your healing alone.

💛 If you’re looking for gentle tools to support your own healing, I’ve gathered my favorites here. Every resource is something I’ve used personally—and I only recommend what truly helped me grow.